A Shift in Perspective

In mid-January, I started "warning" Michael that I was starting to feel more ready to have a baby. I am not sure exactly how to explain that, but I just started feeling more mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically prepared for pregnancy and for a baby. Every once in a while, I would update him on my progress in this area and ask him how he was feeling about it. Of course, I wanted to make sure that we both felt ready before we started working toward expanding our family. In early March, we agreed that we would start being more intentional about our timing, but we were still very relaxed about it. However, when I took my first pregnancy test in early April and it was negative, I was genuinely disappointed. I don't think I expected to feel that way since we had only really tried for one month. Regardless, this is when I realized that I did, indeed, want to have a baby.

Michael and I prayed together that if it was God's will for us that we would conceive in April. I'm not sure how often Michael prayed on his own, but I confess that I had to pray that prayer often. Aside from wanting a baby, this prayer helped me keep in perspective whose will I really wanted. It's very easy, when we want something badly, to abandon our desire for God's will. Even good gifts that God has in store for us are better when they are given in His perfect timing, and even though I really wanted a baby, I wanted His will and His timing much much more.